Once

Not a new feeling, but rather a recurrent perception that I didn't feel like wishing (and washing) it away...

But, let's say, let's speak.


Once (something) that was, and is no more...

That's not new for me today, but.... that's the day to put those into the wheel. But, oh well... what to say?

Hard to know, difficult to deal, tough to understand how can this be so, so real.
Come what may, so, I say.

The meaning was always there - in some cases - and (or) the resolution was so obvious and evident that I could carry away the focus to maintain the wish to get that path accomplished.

But, no! That's die fragen und der antwort. That's the confusion and the only way out.

For quite sometime I've been dealing with these only in my mind, or if I dare to admit, forgeting these in my mind. But, It's true, It's real, and I can't deny.

I've been carrying away these facts, knowing that they are no more (but, still, what can be 'more' so?). And in some cases there are no easy solution for them.
Might I just continue to finish it? But well! I have to, and what so, then, to do?
No answer, for sure. This is just the eternal pinpoint of my damned être. I'm so, so, so unsatisfied to say  this - for the sake of everything that have been done and said - but I just can't avoid this objection, this... situation.
And, well, time keeps on coming, and there will be no more time eventually, once, or anymore.... 

In other case, I just can't agree or see some things the way a saw, the way I felt. They've gone, just vanished away. Such a situationship that was so much for me once,  and, today is so fullfilling empty. Like a broken amulet you keep, just because It was so dare to you. And I quite know that It will be no more, It just won't come back and shine. It was once a life (or my life?). Now no more then just a distraction, a way to go. Oh, oh!

And, I will dare now, as I've never wrote about this until now - althought that's quite known to myself.
It shouldn't  have been like it is - oh life, we can't complain, it has been so good after all...
But I feel, I know ... I've always felt, always knew.
It was the right way to go, and to do things. But It just turned to it's true fact that it was "not to be" as I have ever expected...  But sometimes we have to try. And this time I tried, and... well. I don't regret anything, and I (truly!) don't imagine how It could be (at least not in this case)... so this question is well explained to me. (What I do, I must admit, is that I keep wondering if something "new" can be - but I know that's just some kind of fools hope, and the most decent thing to say is that "it's done").


But again, once! (something) That was, is not anymore...
The question that I ask myself is why these things keeps on interfering in my way of thinking, imaginating and acting, as It shouldn't be so... strong... or, this is just a way that I involuntary bond because I haven't really got any(-where, -thing, -one) to be tied (to to belief) with?
I quite don't know.
What I know is that I don't really need (or even wish!) changes (for right now, at least). What turns it to be something even more strange and makes me... as confuse as I am.


- Sorry to say, but, for now, I see no way...
- Well, it's ok. I see no news in it anyway.
- Yeah, I sense the meaning.  But I can't feel it deep...
- No problem, (hm, in fact there is...but...) everything was ever such. Dealing with no meaning is quite a constant...
- Für uns alle!